Lucian's eyes
by IsThisJustAGame
Summary: I laugh, softly ruffling his hair with my free hand. The sun shines in my direction causing me to close my eyes but when I do, I see Finnick's face. The colors of his eyes drip down into a pool of melted crayola, the blues and greens closely mingling. I force the tear drops not to fall onto my cheek, Lucian can't see me weak, I won't allow it.
1. Chapter 1

Finnick. I wake with his name in my mouth, the taste of everything he was saturates my tongue. It's been seven years. Seven years I've spent mourning the death of my husband but also being joyous watching our son, Lucian, grow up before my eyes. At night when the lights are off and he's long since been put to sleep, I cry. Silent sobs rack my body as I think of how much he resembles his father. He has his eyes, Finnick's beautiful eyes tinted in all different hues of blue and green. His hair is the same grainy blonde color, the only thing he took from me is my freckles. They seem to lightly dust his cheek bones, stopping to frame his nose. I cry until there are no more tears to be shed, at least not until the next day. I wish he could know Finnick, he needs his father. After my games I'd stopped believing in a God, but now I like to think Finn is up there with God, silently looking down on his son. During the days I try to no avail to teach Lucian to spear a fish. He always manages to place a smile on my face, when he laughs. We must look like a crazy pair, flailing as we stumble around in the water. Lucian looks up at me, the low set sun shining through wisps of blonde hair "Momma" he says in a soft voice "I don't think we're any good at fishing" I can't help but to laugh, even my Seven year old son can see how hopeless I am with fish. "Well, how about we try with the net?" I laugh, softly ruffling his hair with my free hand. The sun shines in my direction causing me to close my eyes but when I do, I see Finnick's face. The colors of his eyes drip down into a pool of melted crayola, the blues and greens closely mingling. I force the tear drops not to fall onto my cheek, Lucian can't see me weak, I won't allow it. Not after so many years of him not having me stable, I open my eyes forcing the image away. "Momma, are you okay?" He asks me. Such an innocent question with too many possible answers. I don't trust my voice to stay steady, so I quickly try on my best convincing smile and nod. Lucian turns to face the sun, squinting his eyes when a flock of birds waft across the open skies. "I want to spear a fish" Lucian says straightening out his back. I smile to myself, noticing his determination. Another trait he's stolen from his father of course, I would've given up by now. The only reason I ever learned to swim was because of Finnick, he just wouldn't give up no matter how many times I turned him down. My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a shout come from Lucian's mouth, instantly I turn to him with a panicked look in my eyes no doubt. "It's okay! I got one, I finally got one!" Lucian shouts happily. He holds up his make shirt spear, just a long stick that's been sharpened at the end. There is a fish on the end of it, the scales glisten against the setting sun and I smile with a proud look stuck on my face. "Amazing! It's a great size too, dinner will be a celebration of this" I say, the corners of my mouth turning up to form a smile. I watch as his eyes crinkle in the corners, his smile so wide I'm surprised it all fits on his face. The sun lowers in the sky turning it a swirl of pinks, purples, and blues. "Come on little man, lets get you and your fish inside where it's warm and out of this water" I say to him, my hand gently nudging him forward. He smiles his toothy smile at me, splashing his way to the shore as I follow closely behind him. If I close my eyes, I can almost hear him. In my minds eye I can see Finnick and I sitting on this same beach shore, before the games and before we were both damaged beyond repair. That time seems so far gone, my memory is withering with time and I fear before long i'll even forget Finnick's face. Any picture I might of had of him has long since been destroyed in the rebellion, his face appears now only in my memories. "Momma" Lucian says, only then do I realize my feet have been blindly following him into the house while my mind wandered elsewhere. "Yes my little fisherman?" I say with a soft grin on my face. He gives me a soft smile and in that instant I know what he wants. He speaks in a hushed tone "What are the hunger games?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I'm running, the water is catching up to me and I know in my heart I'm not fast enough to out run it. My feet ache and I can't think. What did I just see? The damn broke and the arena is flooding quickly. When I close my eyes the only thing I see is his head falling to the ground until his body slumps forward to join it. So I keep my eyes open, even if they burn with dryness I can't will myself to let them shut. It's around my feet now, the cool water wraps itself around my ankles like two tentacles striving to pull me under. I'm just about to take my last breath when I awaken. A cool sheen of sweat lays across my forehead and my breathing is labored. It's only when I open my eyes that I see Lucian splayed across the foot of my bed, he looks younger in sleep than in wake, I turn away. From the corner of my eye it's clear that Lucian is stirring. I dread when he'll wake up, I can't tell him. But I have to tell him, he's never asked once before now, he deserves to know. Will he understand when I start crying, or will he finally believe them. I really am the poor mad girl from district 4 that he hears about. "Lucian" I say. It's barely audible, even lower than a whisper but his eyes fly open instantly. I suddenly find myself looking into his eyes, so many questions clearly there. His curious, searching eyes. "Momma, why have you never told me your name?" Lucian asks, his voice crackly from sleep. "Have you heard them speak of me? You must think I'm mad" I say, my eyes dropping to look at my hands. There's the ring Finnick gave me, the green crystals that flake across the white diamond glisten at all different angles. "Annie" He says. I can only look at him, I don't blink just stare. "You must know your father's name too." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them but Lucian just nods. "Finnick Odair. I know about everything. The rebellion, the capitol, the hunger games. How long did you think I was going to fall for Katniss and Peeta being my aunt and uncle?" He says, I sense a hint of awe in his voice. "I…I just" he cuts me off mid-sentence "Mom, I've heard the stories. It wasn't too hard to figure out who 'auntie' and 'uncle' really were." He laughs, beckoning me to spill it all. "Lucian…. Your father died so you would be able to live a peaceful life. Without any hunger games, conflict, or even having to live in fear that one day your name would be drawn." My hands shake violently, I clutch the blanket in an attempt to steady them. After we talk, I'm exhausted from reliving all the details of my past. I can't close my eyes without seeing my district partner beheaded, it's even more vivid than it was in my dream. The cold plastic of the house phone against my ear sends a quick chill through my body. "Hello?" the voice on the other end of the phone is deep and gruff, I can hear him clear his throat. "Annie?" He says, his voice a little clearer this time. He's probably been sleeping. "Yes…" I say closing my eyes, his voice instantly calms my nerves. "Annie… I thought I'd never hear your voice again. What's wrong?" This is the first time I let myself cry today, I need to tell him about Lucian. He'll know what to say, he always does. "Gale, Lucian knows... About everything. The games, Finnick, even Katniss and Peeta." I hope he can understand me through the sobs. "Shh Annie, shh. Calm down, it won't last forever love." He's right, it won't and I know that. Something he said resonates deep in my mind, he called me love. When I don't respond he knows just how to make me talk "Where is he?" he asks. I glance towards Lucian's bed room "He's sleeping, we spent most of the day fishing. He really wore himself out today." I say. Lucian flailed in the water until he finally speared his second fish, it took hours. "Do you need me Annie?" I nod until I finally realize he can't see me "More than you know Gale" I whisper, pulling the phone closer, willing him to come to me. "I'll be there soon" he says. The phone goes silent, and so do I.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

He smells of pine and sweat. He holds me in his capable arms and lets me cry, it's been hours. He soothes me with his gentle coos. "Shh Annie, it's alright" He says, whispering softly. His lips against my ears, it's hard to cry when I think about it. I must have fallen asleep against his chest because I wake in my bed. It's looks to be about mid afternoon and I hear laughter coming from the kitchen. Lucian must know Gale is here, they always did get along great. Silently I slip out of bed, not bothering to look myself over in the mirror. When I reach the end of the hallway I stop, pressing my body against the wall and listening stealthily to their conversation. "How do you like your eggs?" Gale asks, chuckling softly. "Hmm, scrambled" Lucian says, I can almost hear the smile in his voice. "I knew that" Gale says teasingly. I slip out from behind the wall and as soon as I do, Gale looks up. A smile spreads across his face when he sees me, although I probably look a puffy eyed mess. I return the smile, suddenly I feel hopeful things can stay this way. The light shines through the kitchen window casting a soft shadow over the marble counter tops, it looks peaceful. But if there's one thing I've learned about peace, it's that it never lasts long. I shake my head as if clearing the thought from my mind, I've earned it's better to hope for the best but expect the worst. I sit on the bar stool next to Lucian, smiling at him warily because I'm still unsure of his feelings. Is his kindness towards Gale just a pretense or is he truly happy to see him? He smiles back, it looks genuine enough so I don't question it. My mind wanders, I remember it was two years ago, Gale has just moved from district 3 over here to district 4 and I was the only person he knew. Only back then I was a little less stable, with Lucian in his toddler years I was a wreck. We spent more and more time together and as the days drew on, Gale and I were inseparable. Some things happened between us, I still wasn't over Finnick and he still clung to the memory of Katniss like it was his last hope. So we split up, our little summer romance thwarted, tarnished by the ghosts of our past. "Annie?" Gale says, breaking me free from thought. I look up startled by his voice. "Yes?" I say, my voice raspy from sleep. He laughs softly "I thought I'd lost you there for a while… How do you like your eggs?" He says. That's like him to be thoughtful enough to make breakfast for Lucian and I "Over easy, if that's not too much trouble" I say, smiling at him "Not any trouble at all, it won't be done for a while though. You can go get ready if you'd like" He says. His own little way of reminding me I can't stay in pajamas forever and that life goes on. I nod and walk to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I reach for the shower handle, turning the water on to a nice warm stream. I step into the shower, letting the warm water fall instantly relax my muscles, I would stay in here all day if the hot water lasted that long. I stand under the water and think. Think about Finnick, Lucian, and the games. I think about anything and everything that comes to mind. I try not to let my mind focus too long on the bad things, but I'm only human. When I lather myself with soap it reminds me of district 13, the soap is the same texture there as it was here. Suddenly I feel a sharp pang of guilt resonate in my stomach, Gale is in my kitchen, but I know in my heart Finnick would want me to go on. Also, it's Gale, Finnick always trusted Gale. I step out of the shower and walk over to my bedroom, putting on a fresh set of clothes. I pick a sea green t-shirt and light beige capris. I'm toweling off my hair when I hear the first gun shot.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

My fingers grip the door knob, my knuckles turning white as the blood leaves my hand. That sound, such a familiar sound I swore I'd never hear again. I violently get snapped out of my reverie when Gale opens the door, me flying backwards in an attempt to avoid getting my face hit. He's carrying Lucian on his back, a panicked look in his eyes letting me know nothing is okay. "We have to go!" He yells, I'm on my feet in an instant. "Where?" I ask frantically, my eyes scanning the room for any open window. Gale looks around, nodding silently to the window just next to Lucian's bed. Gale sets Lucian down, running over to push his dresser in front of the door. I open the window, the cool ocean breeze reflecting a mood of calm. Calm is the last thing I feel, I don't understand what's happening right now. I feel breathless, like any sense of security I'd built up throughout the years has disappeared in the matter of seconds. I motion Lucian towards the window, but Gale stops me. "You get out first, take Lucian, then I'll follow" He says, his brow furrowed deep in concentration. They're at the door now. "They" being whoever has the guns. They throw themselves against the door, I wince every time one of them hits the door. I nod, there's no time to waste. Quickly I hop out of the window, Gale hands Lucian over to me as gently as possible. He's just out of the window when the door gives in. The peace keepers jump over the dresser and grab the collar of Gale's shirt. A high, despaired scream escapes my mouth. Gale's hand outstretched towards mine, begging me to grab it. We both know I won't be strong enough to pull him free, but I take his hand anyway. He pulls me close, resisting the peacekeepers pulls. "Annie, get out of here! Save Lucian! I love you Annie now go!" He yells, his face a mirror of panic and pain. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, turning the gentle green of my shirt a darker shade. I reach up and pull his face to mine, pressing my lips forcefully against his. This is kiss says everything we may never get to say again. It says I love you, life goes on, stay strong, and so much more. I'm holding his gaze when they tear him away from me, back into the window and out of my life. Even when he's gone and only one peace keeper remains I stay staring into the window, willing him to come back. The remaining peace keeper looks at me and winks, he tosses a single white rose out the window and I shudder. A thought suddenly comes to my mind, there haven't been peace keepers since Paylor became president. Their uniforms were tattered and helmets cracked, but they were still clearly peace keepers. Suddenly I laugh, a thought comes to my mind and it just seems so surreal I laugh. A rebellion against a rebellion. Lucian tugs on my hand, pulling me from my reverie. I look down at him and notice he's shaking, this is all new to him. These are all things I thought Lucian would never have to endure, but of course I should've seen this coming. I crouch down in front of him, taking him in my arms. I hope he feels safe in my arms, he's so little now and so innocent. "Shh love, it's going to be okay" I whisper against his hair. "Momma, can you sing for me?" He asks. So I sing an old district 4 lullaby "Sway softly the sea is calm, sway softly the air is warm, lay down in bliss, a starfish and a gentle kiss. Sway to the waves and sway to the breeze, fall asleep in warm sand, lay down in bliss, a sea horse and an ocean prince." I sing in a soft gentle voice, his shaking noticeably calming. This moment is calm, but I swear to myself I'm going to get Gale back. I've already lost Finnick , the capitol rebels are not going to take Gale from me too. I've lost so much because of them, they won't win. I pick up Lucian in my arms and cradle him like a baby. I smash the rose under my foot as we walk towards the front door. President Snow may be dead, but the capitol it seems is still very much alive.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

He turns, his face alight with joy and carelessness. He looks back at me while he's running, laughing freely, his eyes bright and glistening with hope. Each time I try to grab him he appears five steps further ahead. Like fog receding after rain on an icy day. He stops and turns to smile at me, he looks just like he used to. Healthy and innocent. This is the Finnick I try so desperately to remember, the evasive Finnick who only appears to me in dreams. When I reach out for him my hand hits a cool sheet of glass, keeping his sanctity locked away from me. "Is this heaven?" I ask. He throws his head back laughing, shaking his head. "Of course not silly, this is Hell. Isn't it obvious?" He says. That's when a cloud of capitol girls come up behind him, striping him of his shirt. Their hungry hands grabbing at him from every angle. He just stands, defenseless and hopeless. I'm pounding on the glass, it shatters into a million tiny shards. His hand just meets mine when I wake. I don't open my eyes, I desperately hold on to Finnick's face. Trying to re-capture every detail into my memory. "Momma!" Lucian's voice pierces Finnicks façade and he vanishes. Seeing his face was such a sweet sorrow. "What's wrong Lucian, love?" I ask. My voice vague, my mind in another place. "Auntie Katniss is here and she's crying and I'm scared." He says. "What? Where is she?" I say, pushing myself into a sitting position. "She's on the couch momma and she won't talk to me" Lucian says, his eyes wide with fear. I take his little hand in mine "Lucian it's fine, she probably just had a fight with uncle Peeta okay? Everything Is okay. Just go back into your room okay?" I say. He listens and once I hear his door shut I rush out to the living room. "Katniss!" I yell. She looks up bewildered and numb. I kneel down at her side "Katniss what's wrong?" She looks at me blankly. "They took him, again. They have him" She says, and in that instant I know who she means. "Peeta" I gasp, but she only nods. Tears silently trailing down her face. "Where's Haymitch?" I ask. The shock is clearly noticeable in my voice. "He's gone too, so is Johanna" She says. There's no tone to her voice, it's placid. "Katniss…" I say, slowly. Cautiously. I don't want to tell her about Gale. She turns and looks at me, blank faced "What?" She asks. "They have Gale…" I say, cringing as if I'm about to be hit. But she doesn't move, I can't even tell if she's breathing. "Katniss!" I yell, he skin turning purple. I shake her until she finally exhales, that's when she loses it. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY TOOK GALE?" she screams. My breathing is quick and uneven. I can feel my heart beating a thousand times a minute. "HOW DID THEY EVEN FIND GALE? I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HIM IN YEARS!" she's yelling at the top of her lungs. I can see the room spinning. "Katniss… There's something I never told you…" I say hesitantly. She's furious but I can't tell if it's because of me or the Capitol rebels. "What?" She spits the word like it's venom on her tongue. "Gale and I…. Well we had something together, like you and Peeta" I say slowly. The lights are dim around the room, like an evening restaurant. She sighs "I knew that, Eli told me. But I didn't think they'd take him. He's not even a victor" she says, her voice sounds tired. "This is a message. They're trying to show us they still have control and that they can take what they want from us" I say hopelessly. "Katniss we have to get them back". She nods "I know. How though Annie? What if they hijack Peeta again? I don't think I'll be able to get him back this time" She says. Her body lurches forward in silent sobs. I close my eyes, not wanting to let the outside world in. When I open them, Katniss is crying into her arms. "We'll get them back and Peeta will be fine" I say. I can't tell if I'm trying to convince her or myself. I must be nodding my head like an idiot but I don't care. She sighs shakily "I'm so tired Annie" she says. Her bottom lip trembles and I know she's fighting back tears. I nod because I know how she feels. The weight of the atmosphere feels thirty tons heavier and I can't breathe. A swarm of black crowds the corner of my vision. Like static on a television screen. "Annie?" I can hear Katniss say, but her voice sounds miles away. I hear water lapping at the shore and Finnick's laughter and then nothing.


End file.
